Meltdown #1 (yes we are keeping track)
I have been taken back by the out pouring of love and support from everyone. It means so much to read all the kind and thoughtful notes from everyone.
I finally hit a wall last night. Knew it was coming, but crap I had know idea I would hit it as hard as I did. The stress of figuring out what neurosurgeon to use took me over. It was nice to hear all the referrals of doctors, who has used who, who knew of a doctor that was good. It truly made me realize I didn't need to make this decision on my own, I had great information. But why couldn't I decide, I was questioning who I have a second opinion with, I was seeking a new doctor that was thrown at me, when the wall hit!
So if you see my number pop up on your caller ID at 11:30pm or later you better understand I am probably not calling to see what's up! You better be prepared it just might be a meltdown. Thank you Linda for answering your phone. The best part of our conversation that brought me the most comfort, while I was bawling my eyes out asking how do you pick a neurosurgeon, what do you look for , what do you ask... your response was "Jack I have no advice for you, all I can tell you is you have a huge support group around you loving on you and Doug and those girls" That is what I needed to hear, no bs! As I hung up the phone I sat back down at the computer still trying to wrap my head around the whole doctor choice. It threw me into another crying fit, oh crap is that meltdown #2!
As I sat there crying I decided to pray for guidance on my choice, for the doctor that was the right fit for us to be blessed to me somehow, for strength in knowing he would be brought to the sight of my eyes. As I said amen I noticed I had a message on FB from our youth Pastors wife. This is the first part of the message:
I just read your caringbridge post and my heart felt at peace when I saw Dr. Lochhead was your neuro doctor. We had him through my brother's brain injury and I really felt he did a good job.
That brought a huge calmness over me.
Today has been very busy, We went down to the Burger Den and Doug showed me the ropes of running the restaurant. I now see why I am a stylist and appreciate it a bit more. Lariann, well Doug says is an Angel, I would absolutely agree with him. She is taking on a huge new role down there and he has full confidence in her.
Since he isn't driving I go to everything with him, and he has difficulty staying focused, so I am there to crack the whip! Yep by the time we get through this he will be so sick of me! Anyways we had a meeting at the High School to get all the softball team stuff in line for the other coaches. Doug is feeling very blessed for his loving and caring boss Kimber. She has been so good to him. He is in that emotional stage, so he wanted to stop and see everyone, tell them Hi and thank them for everything. I rallied him out the door or I think he was going to go hunt down all the custodians.
I went to the salon to work, he took a nap before I had to take him back to the High School for softball practice. He was at the High School for about 4 hours, yes you guessed it he over did it. I came in the house and he was on the bed in the dark. When I asked him if he was ok, he began to cry.
I laid there with him, telling him it was ok to cry and if he needed to cry to just cry. This is when you realize you have to pull up your big girl panties and be the strong one. He looked me in the eyes and asked, "will I always be like this? am I going to be back to myself? I just want to have energy to do whatever I want to do." I told him we were taking this in baby steps and it was going to be just fine. Whatever the outcome, whatever we are about to face. With tears running down his face he said, "will he do a good job, the doctor will he know what to do, I know I can recover, but I hate not being able to make sure he does a good job" I held him and said this is where we let go of the control and hand over the control to God. He is the ultimate healer, he is in control and will do us no wrong. Have the faith, that the Lord will lay his hands down on you and bring healing to you.
Doug turned to me and said, now I see why the girls say what they say, how do you always know what to say! I just smiled and gave him a kiss on the cheek.
We finally came to a decision on a doctor. My gut has always been Dr. Lochhead, but I allowed the outside to distract me. I felt because so many people were saying this doctor, that doctor, this state, that state, I needed to have a second opinion. So I called Dr. Manning today to ask what his % was on surgeries. brain surgeries vs. neck/back surgeries. His scheduler called me back this evening at 7:00, after I received 2 more messages that Lochhead came highly recommended, she said his surgeries are probably 50/50. But he does a lot of neck fusion surgeries, he has done a lot of brain surgeries. But since Lochhead joined the office he refers brain surgeries to Lochhead since he specializes in brain surgeries. I stopped her right there and said that is all I needed to hear. She said Manning would be more than happy to see Doug, but he would most likely refer him back to Lochhead. I thanked her for being so honest with me.
So in the morning I will be calling and getting everything in line. Keep the prayers and positive energies flowing our way!
Love and Blessings to all!