Oh My...

August 20, 2016

It has been an exhausting week! I have attached some photos of the "frame" they put on Doug to do radiation. For the weak stomach, you are warned!

Z returned home from college last Wednesday evening. Home for a month, this momma is so excited to have her here. We were blessed with plane tickets to Seattle for Doug's radiation treatment. Thank you does not even touch what gratitude I have, Kelly and Steve! This trip we would be leaving on Thursday night, treatment on Friday with our flight home Friday night. It was so nice we had Z on this trip with us. On the way to check in, Z says, "dad this is going to be so fun!" his response, "oh yeah Z way to much fun, having something screwed to my head!" My thought at that moment, this will be a good trip for her to come on to experience just how much fun we have when we go to Seattle!

Our flight was delayed 30 minutes, once we got on board the pilot says to us, "hope you all used the restroom before boarding because this will be the smoothest the flight will be right here. We will not be roaming the cabin tonight into Seattle!" Yep that is where I wanted off the plane. I am not a very good flier anyways, and his announcement did not sit well with me. But off we went! Little bumpy out of Boise, then some unexpected smooth air. That is what you would call the calm before the storm! The last 30 minutes into Seattle i knew we were either rolling or nose diving. My palms began to sweat, I said a few prayers. A little boy with his mom says, I don't like this. her response was its like a roller coaster it will be fine. I wanted to jump up and tell her, NO it is not like a roller coaster, they are attached to something and you know where it is going to end. Plus I like roller coasters, and I was like the little boy, I DID NOT LIKE IT! We bobbled back and forth and finally hit ground, literally we hit ground so hard Z hit her head on the seat in front of her. Once we were slowed down, the cabin was over taken by yelps and clapping. Doug ended up very sick with motion sickness. People were throwing up in the airport once we got off. I was so glad to be on the ground. We stayed at a beautiful hotel, and had a great nights sleep.

Up at 5:30 to get to the hospital to have a small breakfast and then check in at 6:30. We got to a room around 6:45, with the most amazing nurse attending to Doug all day. He was given anxiety meds to keep him calm. Dr. Loiselle came in to go over the days plan, we were taken back when he started off by telling us he was actually treating 3 spots! I said wait, I thought there were only 2, he said after going over the MRI from last week he actually sees 3 very small spots. One is deeper to the back of the cavity and the other 2 are actually in the lining of the brain. He said it is very unusual for that. Dr. Cobbs partner, who put on the frame also came in and spoke to us. She also said they were very unusual, but not to be worried, maybe Doug was just going to be unusual. I spoke up and said we don't like to do the norm. They asked Z and I to leave while they put the frame on Doug. I will say I was not prepared for what it was going to be. Z and I were sitting in the waiting area when they brought him out to go down for a CT scan. He made us giggle by doing the fierce look. Off to the CT he went. Once he got back they mounted a bubble like thing on top of the frame. We joked he looked like George Jetson! For you young guns, that was a cartoon a few years back, google it! I was quite amazed, they took measurements of all different angels. The nurse kept saying the measurements while another nurse wrote them down. As she was calling them out, Doug says it sounds like you are playing battleship up there. We sat in the room while they made a plan of attack for the GammaKnife. Finally around 11:30 they took him back for treatment. He would be in for an hour and 45 minutes. After treatment they came in removed the frame, stuck 4 band aides on the spots where they screwed it on. Told us we were good to go. Walked out of there around 2:00. Best part of the 7 1/2 hour appointment was the nurse and doctor both said it was so nice my sister came with us. I of course corrected them and told them she was actually our daughter! 

 We had a flight back to Boise at 6:00. Thank God we had Z with us, the light rail was late picking us up, it made 3 unexpected stops, not at a drop off station. In fact a local says to me, this is not normal to be stopped this long. She says what time is your flight? I told her and we both looked at our phones, 5:05 with 3 more stops. Pretty sure we are  not making our flight. As we got to the airport i told Doug and Z we are playing the cancer card to get through security. A sweet angel was sitting at a check point, I gave her my cancer card and she looks at me and says, "you are first class right?" I said NO! She looked at me as she opened the lane for us to go to the front and says, "YOU ARE first class!" 5:35 and we are through security, I said to Z we are good it is when they announce your name over the terminal that you are in trouble. As I finished saying that, there it was Corta party of 3 Alaska Airlines flight blah blah blah is boarded. I pushed Z to sprint to that gate, we were at C2 and we were boarding at C16. When we finally got there we rushed to get on the plane, fully loaded everyone was looking at Doug, a bit pale, 4 bloody band aides on his head. As we sit down Doug hits his head on the overhead storage, so hard his head flung back. Z begins to laugh, I started to giggle, I think everyone around us was like what nice women we were. Doug turns to Z with knuckles out facing her and says, "heads still numb, didn't feel a thing!" Then we really laughed. A sweet gentlemen behind me tapped my shoulder and said he had a full first aide kit in his bag right above us if we needed anything. Flight was good, Doug rested. 

After we got home Doug was needing some dinner. So we went down to Applebee's, enjoyed a good meal and laughed about our trip with Z. As the waiter came by I finally asked him for our bill. He says to us, oh there was a man here that said he kind of knew you guys and bought your dinner and tip so you are good to go. Z jumps up and looks over the restaurant to see if there is anybody she knows. I was blown away, that is stuff I like to do to people, not have it done to me. As Z is trying to figure it out, I said we just need to be grateful. So mystery man if you read my posts, Thank you! You sparked a bit of hope that there is good still out there. Blessed are we.

Doug has only had a little fogginess since radiation, but overall is doing extremely well. We now wait until February for another MRI to check again. Doug has another round of chemo Tuesday 23rd. 

Since we have been home i have felt a bit more exhausted, a bit more at my wits end, struggling a bit more. Tonight I have been pushed to where I am feeling like I am hanging at the very end of the rope. Still holding on, but feeling like it is the tiniest of string. Demi is playing basketball at the High School. She is on the sophomore team. Going to brag a bit, she has been playing very well, scoring 19, 15, 13 points a game. Defensively she has stepped up, because I coach and i am so passionate about the game, I am so proud of how good she is playing. It is like she finally came into her game, realizing what she could accomplish. Well tonight about 2 minutes into the game she stood in front of a player and took a charge! I jumped up cheering, taking a charge to me is so selfless. As she got to the other end of the court, she began to cry. Okay wait, Demi has the highest pain tolerance I have ever seen, a sub is sent in and she sits on the bench crying, the trainer comes over, by now Demi thinks she is good to keep playing. She goes back into the game, a pass is sent her way and she can't catch it. The pain begins the tears again. Off the court she comes, ice wrapped around her wrist. After the game Doug and my mom take her to have an x ray. She returns to the gym. . . in a cast, Oh MY!  She broke a bone in her right arm behind her wrist, has to see an orthopedic surgeon. As I walked up to my sweet baby, her eyes welling with tears, I hug her. She sinks into my chest sobbing, I held her for a moment and then I softly say to her, sister we have lessons to be learned. I know it sucks, but there are lessons to be learned. I kissed the top of her head told her I loved her guts and was so dang proud of her. 

I am going to be very honest with all of you, I walked into the empty locker room and wanted to sit and cry my eyes out. For that moment I felt weak, really really weak. You know that quote,"God will only give you what you can handle" I beg to differ right now. Cause I'm not sure what he sees in me, cause I am not sure how much more I can handle.Feeling very defeated, very defeated. Good, I just need a bit of good to be put in my family. It seems like every corner I take we see the good in the distance and then a mountain of adversity is slammed in our face. I am not sure how much more I can endure. Tonight I am allowing myself to be weak, sad, hopeless, and not have one ounce of fight in me. Tonight I am throwing up my arms and surrendering. 

1Peter 5:7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

Love and Blessings to all!

 

 

 

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