Doug is out of surgery. It has been a long, emotional day. We went back to meet with Dr.Lochhead, Berty, Jim, Angie, My mom and myself. They walk you back to this small room, telling you to take deep breathes. As we all sat there she says it will be about 15 minutes, that 15 minutes felt like a lifetime. I sat in silence, praying as hard as i could pray. As the time went on my heart began to race, it felt like it was going to beat right out of my chest. I think the nerves were getting the best of all of us, as i laid there with my head back in the chair staring into the hallway I said to the four that were in there with me, "I want you to know it was my decision who I brought into this meeting, and i pondered coming by myself. Then I flipped the table on myself and realized if my daughter was the one having brain surgery there was no building, doctor, mountain that would keep me from being here. So i hope you all understand how much i love Doug .
Dr. Lochhead walked in looked me straight in the eyes and said surgery went well, Doug did really good. I could feel a huge but coming. And then it did. But the tumor itself was a malignant tumor. Everyone in the room began to cry, i stayed stone faced. I began asking questions, we will have final report on monday. He will need chemo and radiation. i looked Dr.Lochhead in the eyes and could only say wow, wow, wow, I didn't expect that , he returned with neither did I. I thanked him for taking such good care of Doug and he said he would continue taking care of him. As he hugged me he had tears in his eyes.
I went through the what has God handed me question a lot. As i sat in a quiet room, silent, pondering how do you tell your 3 young girls their daddy has cancer. I began to shake and be chilled.
I went to see Doug in his room and he asked me how'd it go, i said really well he got 90% of the tumor, the other he could not get because of the placing affecting his left side. Doug asked me if it was going to be ok. I told him, yep we had a battle ahead of us but we both had decided before whatever it was we would fight like hell to win. i told him it was cancer and we would have the final report Monday and we were going to battle through this.
Z was in San Diego and I talked to her coach and then her, she did her typical strong young lady she has always been. Bentli and Demi came to the hospital and as they came to the waiting area, I asked them to come close to me, Bentli started saying mom stop mom stop. I just came out fast and said the tumor is cancer. Bentli started crying and screaming and fell into a chair, Demi sobbed on my shoulder and sobbed. We all three cried. I told them there is nothing stopping us we are fighting this and with the Grace of God, prayers and chemo we are beating this.
My emotions have been all over the place today but the one thing I know. Our God is a good God, through his healing hands he can work miracles.
I know now I will be the rock for my girls, I will be the shoulder for my husband to cry on, and I will be the warrior that will lead this support group to battle, AND WE WILL WIN!
Love and Blessings!