In the darkness of my grief, I am being given bits of hope put back in my heart.
It seems to come to me just at the right time. My days are still filled with many tears, the pain I have feels as if it will never end, and my broken heart I have decided just might stay broken! But it is the acts of kindness that have brought me some hope in my journey.
The Lord must put me on the hearts of many when he witnesses me in my sadness. Because it never fails, as I sit weeping my phone goes off. "Thinking of you and your sweet girls," "love you guys and continue to pray for peace to come to you." " You are loved so much!" "Sending you all hugs!" These little bits of encouragement bring me comfort.
Gifts left on my doorstep, ornaments for my tree, Christmas music CD, inspirational pillow, chocolate, seeds of happiness clay guy, and Christmas cards. Knowing we are so loved just warms my heart. It is an amazing hand carved turtle plaque with our family photo centered on it, with CORTA across the top and 2 Timothy 4:7 carved on the bottom, the blessed soul that hand carved it made it beautifully! Having no clue what a blessing he just created! A treasure I will have forever!
Recently Demi attended a 16th birthday party for a boy she knew through a friend. She was told he was having a poker party and whatever he made his parents were matching and donating to The Corta family. I questioned Demi, it sounded a bit fishy, something about a 16 year old gambling, and giving it away made me question it. She attended the party in a gorgeous dress, James Bond Theme! She sent me a video when she arrived, men in tuxedos, adults everywhere, beautiful dresses on the ladies. Music playing loudly and she returned with cute photos from a photo booth. She had a blast at the party. A couple days later I got a notice there was a donation to the GoFund Me account. I opened the notice to read this:
My name is Gavin Daher, I am a sophomore at Eagle High School and Demi Corta is in my grade. For my 16th birthday I decided to pay it forward. When I heard of Coach Corta's passing and how he inspired others, I knew I needed to step up and think beyond my own personal needs. With the help of my family, friends, and guests at my party we raised $2500.00. My hope is to help the Corta family carry on Doug's legacy, and also to inspire others to pay it forward and be involved in the community.
I got the honor of meeting Gavin and his family. With tears streaming down my cheeks, I told him, Douglas was all about being selfless and teaching that to our girls. And what he did was so so selfless! To think of others needs before his own at 16 years old, he got what life is about. I got to hug his mom and dad and tell them, they are doing a fabulous job as parents! Gavin, at 16 was giving this 42 year old mom of 3 girls some hope!
One evening a brown bag was left on the doorstep. As I looked inside I could see a jar. I pulled out a large jar full of change and dollar bills. On the jar it says "Christmas Jar!" Next to the jar is a book titled Christmas Jars. I sat and read the book, through tears as I read I could feel a sense of joy. WAIT, did I say I felt? Yes, I could feel a small amount of joy as I kept reading the book. It brought me to tears, and I would pause to just cry. Then back to the story I read. To the thoughtful person or persons that left the "Christmas Jar" on my doorstep, what was inside the jar was great, but what you gave me is beyond any amount of money! Joy crept back into me! My jar will be sitting out in my living room starting December 26th. And next year, I only hope to be able to bring someone the joy I received!
Doug and I spoke often about signs he would give me, so I would know he was next to me. One of the things we talked about was pennies. See I have always said coins in my path are put there by my angels letting me know I have them around. So I told him I would need pennies so I knew he was near. Today Z and I were at the thrift store, she reaches towards the bottom shelf and says, "look at this old briefcase." As she opens it I could see it was an old cassette tape carrier. I said to her, oh my gosh dad and I had one like that. She went to close it and it slipped from her hand, as it fell open again a penny dropped out of it! I took a step back and she said, no! No you are kidding me! I had chills, smiled and said he's just letting me know he is near!
Nicole, Doug's assistant coach, had husky dog named Kyce. Doug loved him, they had a crazy bond. Doug called him Kujo, and Kyce seemed to help Doug on days chemo had him not feeling so good. Kyce could always bring a smile to Doug's face. This past summer, Kyce died unexpectedly, we were all heartbroken. Doug was extremely saddened by the news. I now think Kyce was a blessing for Doug and they are enjoying each other again. This afternoon Nicole asked Bentli to go help her pick up a gift she needed help lifting. They then tracked Z and I down. Bentli came into the store and said come outside to say hi to Nicole. A bit confused, I said this is stupid, why didn't she just come in with you. As I approached her car, I could see through the tinted windows, a husky puppy sitting on her lap! I acted like a crazy person, pounded on the window crying no you didn't! No you didn't! I opened the door put this sweetest puppy in my arms, crying. Bent says mom look at his name tag. There it was in big letters. . . KUJO! I cried like a baby wanting her mommy! This puppy, that isn't mine, was bringing me joy. As Z and Bent carried him through Pet Smart, smiles, genuine smiles were seen on my girls. When we got home, puppy in Demi's arms, we all acted like we had a new baby join our family. The girls all said at different times, this is the best day ever, this made today the best! Kujo, you brought all of us so much joy tonight!
This evening a dear client of mine asks if she could stop by. Her son, who I have been cutting his hair since he was 18months old, had something for me. They come over to the house, and I welcomed them at the door. This sweet boy, who is now in 4th grade, asks me if I could sit by my Christmas tree. I sit down next to the tree and he hands me and envelope. Wrote on the outside of the envelope it says,
To: The Corta Family
From: Trevin's Candy Store
I began to cry, I sat with my hands over my face crying, then I opened my arms to hug this angel of a boy. I held him crying, telling him how sweet he is. When I let go, he turned to his mom, who had her own tears, and buried his face with tears running down it. I thanked him for bringing me hope back in my heart. I gave him another hug, told him he is so special to me and I couldn't wait to see him at his next hair appointment. Inside the envelope was a note from him stating to use this for anything you need! I sat and cried! See this sweet boy and I have had numerous talks about his "candy store" and how he loves Halloween because it fills up his candy store with candy to sell. He told me his plans of getting a website for his store. And here he was giving away his earnings!
I'm starting to realize I think I know what part of my "Plan B" is going to be like. My story is not coming to an end, because my best friend and love of my life is not physically next to me. I slowly am seeing, my story is just beginning. So if you thought what I have shared over the last 21 months inspired you, encouraged you, brought you hope, gave you a fight, or planted a seed, you better hold on, because the Lord is speaking and I am listening!
MERRY CHRISTMAS! MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL!
Praying for peace to those who need peace in their life, strength to those who feel weak, love for anyone that feels alone, blessings to each person that feels lost, joy for those that are sad and hope! Hope to every single soul reading this!
Romans 15:13 May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
Love and Blessings to all