If you are starting to read this blog I have one question for you before you continue, Can you give your whole attention to what these words say? If you are in a hurry, going to skim over it, or not fully able to give your undivided attention to it; please stop now. Come back when you can completely hear what I am about to say.
Let me give you a bit of a back story. I have been struggling with the fact there are monumental events happening in my life in the next few weeks. Events I always thought Douglas would be right by my side holding my hand through. Per my counselor I felt like I have myself in a good emotional state, at least I am trying to convince myself of it. Then late Saturday night I received a text from a dear friend, she started it off with. . . I don't want to scare you. Of course before I could read any further I could feel myself get a little anxious. I continued to read her text in which she was letting me know the night before two gentlemen were trying to break in their house while they slept. She gave me comfort when she said the police had looked over video they had. But let's be real people, I instantly had the shit scared out of me. I locked up doors tight, set the house alarm system and moved my pistol a little closer to my nightstand. Yep, I have a pistol and yep I am not afraid to use it. Although I had taken all the security measures I could I was still scared to death. I sent my three girls a text letting them all know what was going on, when Z replied back with; "mom you will be fine there are to many angels guarding the house." Awe, a piece of comfort coming from my 22 year old. Needless to say I got about two hours of sleep.
Sunday morning came and I was overly exhausted. Choosing to not attend church and just rest at home. This is where I am leaving this story, trust me I will be back to finish so please read to the end of this blog. Yes it is a long one, but YOU HAVE TO READ IT ALL!
When death happens in our lives we are left here in the mortal life hoping we can experience some sort of "sign" from our loved ones. Questioning if we truly know and or understand the after life. Heaven? Hmmmm, we instantly think to look in the sky, look towards the clouds. Heaven is up! Our spirit leaves our shell and rises to the heavens. Right? Or does it float mystically around closer than the sky? Am I questioning something that could be answered by my pastor, the bible, or my best friend? Can I answer this for myself, for my own soul, well either way we usually portray heaven as high as we can't see and higher than any mortal can think about traveling. But what we are not allowing ourselves to experience is heaven is right here closer to us than we think.
If we can turn off our mortal mind and experience the energy surrounding us we would all come to know heaven is right next to us. We post quotes, we share pictures stating "The Lord will carry you. . ." "The Lord walks beside you. . ." "God sees our pain and helps to take it. . ." But are we truly allowing ourselves to feel him carrying us, are we recognizing his presence next to us as we walk, are we opening our souls to know our lost loved ones are near.
Our loved ones are closer than we imagine. They sit with us in our sorrow, they wrap their arms around us, they throw pennies in our path, they give us messages through things and people. They are right in front of us and right next to us, we just let our mind control our thoughts to convince us it wasn't them.
It is like this, you may be alone in a room and feel the presence of your late grandma, possibly a brush on your shoulder as if someone touched you. Instead of embracing the fact the energy of your grandma was near, our mortal minds take over and start making excuses of what you really were feeling. As fast as we felt her we conclude our mind was playing tricks on us and it wasn't anything.
Embracing the love of The Lord and all the good he brings is not enough. We need to realize heaven my dear friends is not as high as we thought. Coincidences may not be just a remarkable concurrence of events or circumstances without apparent causal connection. What if we thought of the events we would usually say were coincidences were actually a little nudge from a loved one. Not coincidence but just connection!
The morning Douglas passed I walked to the garbage cans out back and began to cry. I spoke out loud, I already miss your guts and not sure if I can do this without you. Sweets you have to make sure I know you are are near. You have to give me "signs" you are by my side. I walked in the house sat in the chair in my living room and one of our bar stools that was closest to me began to squeak with no one sitting on it. See our bar stools squeak when someone sits on them and spins, side note Doug cussed those stools all the time. That morning it squeaked as if someone was sitting on it for about two minutes. Coincidence, No I say CONNECTION! His way of saying to me, I am right here love right next to you.
We need to close off doubt about what we may be experiencing and open up our hearts to the possibilities that our loved ones are closer than we could imagine. Heaven is right here on earth. I am a firm believer and only hope for others to believe it as well.
Now back to my story,
Sunday morning came and I was overly exhausted. Choosing to not attend church and just rest at home. I sat in Doug's chair, coffee in hand, watching Oprah's Super Soul Sunday. Bent returned home from a night out with her softball girls around 9:45 am. She was telling me about her night and some very adult decisions. I was very proud of her. Then my land line began to ring. We have the caller ID that comes up on our TV. We both looked up at the TV to see who was calling. As I looked up I yelled, "WHAT THE S***!" Scrambling to get out of the chair to get closer to the TV. Bent says, "mom what the hell is going on!" as she scurried around the house trying to find a phone that was charged so she could answer it. See what we saw on the TV was Doug's cellphone number! As it always came up. . .
Boise, Idaho 208-8**-4***!
I grabbed my phone to take a picture, because I knew I would have doubters that it really called the house. Along with a video with it up on the screen. Standing in front of the TV completely stunned. Every phone in the house was completely dead. As fast as it stopped ringing Bentli says, "I'm calling it back". I quickly said "NO! We are not calling it back." Instead I put a phone on the charger, and we called Z to share with her what had just happened. She says mom don't be freaked out, it is cool a "sign" from dad, embrace it. I explained Bentli wanted to call it back and see who answers. She said well then let her. We hung up with Z and I said let me check and see if they left a voicemail.
Put the phone on speaker so Bentli and Demi could hear. "You have one new message, message sent at 10:05 am", my heart began to race a bit. A sweet gentleman says, "hey it's Rodney, call me back." Click! Bentli immediately says, "mom you are calling him back! You have to find out how he got our number."
See when I took Doug's cellphone off my account they did tell me that number would go back into circulation. But how it got my house number was in question.
Laying my cellphone on the counter I hit Doug's name in my contact list, yep I still have him listed in my favorites. Hit speakerphone so Bentli and Demi could hear. As it began to ring I began to get anxious. Five rings and finally. . .
"Is Rodney there"
"This is he"
"Hi Rodney, my name is Jacki and you called my home this morning, 208-9**-0***"
"Oh yeah someone from that number called me at 8:40 this morning, so I was calling it back"
This is where I began to hyperventilate, and wanted to bawl. Bent looks and me and quietly says, "mom you are going to freak him out, pull it together."
Gasping for air I continued, "Rodney, give me a sec, I am sorry." deep breath, deep breath.
"Rodney I need to tell you your number is my husband's old cellphone number, he passed away 17 months ago and NO ONE from here called your phone this morning."
"Yeah, I think my husband is trying to give me a message!"
"Well if he is using me to get you a message, I am more than happy to do it."
"Oh my gosh, thank you so much Rodney."
"Well if I get anymore calls, I will let you know. What was your name again?"
"Jacki, thank you again."
"Have a great day,"
"You as well."
Chills covered my body and would not leave, I stood in shock with the girls right there. Bent says how does that happen. Quickly I say your dad obviously needed to get his point across.
So listen up, if you are ever doubting our lost loved ones can't reach us, DO NOT DOUBT NO MORE!
A lot plays into this. Bentli has needed comfort from her dad lately. I was sitting this morning running ideas of change in my life and accomplishing certain things. Pondering more security measures to take on my house. Rodney said he got the call at 8:40 am but did not call the house until 10:05 am.
If I would have gone to church I would have missed the call. If he would have called right back, Bentli would not have been home to experience this CONNECTION.
A modern day miracle! Tender tender mercy! Feeling heaven right here in my home today! No explanation needed! Complete CONNECTION!
I got my message sweet love! You have never failed me and still from the heavens you are loving on us!
Love and Blessings to all