I wanted the four of us to be together for Father's Day, knowing it was going to be a difficult day. Of course that was not the Lord's plan. Z was taken to Texas for work, Demi and I were in Portland for softball, and Bent was home working.
All weekend I checked on the girls, little texts here and there. Everyone seemed to be doing okay. I woke Sunday morning with a heavy heart, a bit of guilt also, that I wasn't with each of my girls. I did my best to enjoy watching Demi play ball. Text messages were sent to check in with my girls. There is this fine line of checking on them and being completely overbearing. The typical text was sent back to me, "Good", well I knew they were not good. I knew there was a struggle I just didn't know how much of a struggle it was.
Demi and I returned home very late Sunday night or you could say quite early Monday morning. Bentli had gotten Z from the airport aroundmidnight and everyone was sleeping. It was Monday morning when I learned what the girls had done.
I get on Facebook and Bentli's post is front and center on my newsfeed. As I read my heart ached, tears flooded my eyes, and I was overcome with pride. Here is her post:
Today is the day we celebrate fathers. So today I am celebrating MY amazing father. As I woke up this morning my mood went straight to being sad and wanting to just crawl back into bed. Honestly, I just wanted to cry and sleep the day away. But then I thought to myself, my dad wouldn't want me spending this beautiful day that way, especially when it's a day all about him. So I got up, grabbed my softball glove, went to Albertsons, bought a bouquet of flowers, and headed to the cemetery.
Spending the first Father's Day without my dad has probably been the hardest day so far. While many people I know get to spend today with their dads, I get to spend it sitting here playing videos off my phone that are of my dad because I love and miss hearing his voice. I am not writing this to make any of you feel bad for me, that is not my intention. My intention is to maybe remind some of you to enjoy today and to not take it for granted.
So with that said, I have realized a couple things today. First, I am the luckiest girl in the world. I had a dad who always put me, my sisters, and my mom first. Who taught me how to love the game of softball and basketball, and who at the toughest times always had such a positive attitude. I am the luckiest girl because my dad instilled in me to work hard, be kind, and always have a smile on my face.
The second thing that I realized was that I completely took every Father's Day for granted. So if I can give any of you advice, soak these days in. Yes, they may seem like just another day, but they aren't. Appreciate the time you have with the person you love so much. Hug them, kiss them, and tell them how much you love them because you never want to take days like this for granted.
The last thing I realized was that everything is going to be okay. Even when I feel like it's not going to be, I know he's still with me . . . every step of the way.
As I left the cemetery today I was overwhelmed with a different kind of feeling. I was content. As weird as this sounds, I was in a better mood. I got to spend a gorgeous day celebrating the man I love so much and who I get to call. . . my Dad.
Then came Z, she says to me, mom yesterday was really hard. I told her, sister I figured it would be, I am so sorry. She goes on to tell me how her Sunday went. Here is what she tells me:
The day was super hard, our flight wasn't until evening so we drove around looking at the country. We found Route 66 and enjoyed the beautiful nature and took some pictures. When we got to the airport I could not stop crying. Not just a few tears mom, it was the ugly cry. We stood at my gate and I noticed this guy kept looking at me. He was dressed exactly how dad always dressed, he reminded me of dad. When I boarded the plane he was sitting two rows in front of me and off to the side. I could not get myself pulled together, I was still crying really hard. That gentleman kept turning and looking back at me, as if he was checking on me. Mom I was surrounded by all dads on that flight. I made myself fall asleep, when I woke the same guy turned again and gave me a little smirk, just how dad did. I decided I knew what I needed to do. I wanted to give this man what I would spend on dad, so I dug in my purse and grabbed thirty dollars. As we were unloading he was a few people in front of me, he turned one last time and made eye contact with me. As I entered the terminal, I couldn't wait to give him this gift, but no where, he was no where to be seen. Mom it was as if he disappeared. So I sat down before I had to catch my next flight and wrote a note, wrapped my thirty dollars in the note and set out to find a dad to give it to. I approached a couple with a girl around Demi's age, I walked up and said to the gentleman, is this your daughter? He firmly said yeah! I turned back to him and said then this is for you! And I handed him the note. I walked off quickly and went to board my next flight.
This is what her note said:
To: A Wonderful Dad
Happy Father's Day
I normally spend thirty dollars on a present for my dad, but this year I'm giving it to you. I was told by a friend that I needed to make a new tradition for Father's Day, because it will be one of the hardest days of the year. She was right about it being extremely hard. You notice every dad walking around and wish more than anything you could hug yours once more. My father passed away 8 months ago from brain cancer. He was a selfless, wonderful man and gave the world to my mother, two sisters and I. Father's Day was the day we could spoil him and show him how much he meant to us. I have taken my friends advice and started a new tradition with you. Please spoil yourself with this thirty dollars.
Happy Father's Day, you are loved more than you know . . .
Doug Corta's loving daughter
Here is where I sat with tears consuming my every being. Where a day could have taken them over and stayed in bed, cried all day, they chose to honor their dad. I always knew he instilled so much in them, but to see it shine from them just does my soul good.
I share this blog, not to gloat about my amazing girls, but because there are many souls that need to reevaluate where they stand. If you couldn't hear it in my girls writings scroll back up and read it again.
Young people love on your parents, pause and seriously absorb everything they have to give to you. Don't brush off the hug, fully wrap your arms around them and firmly squeeze. Appreciate the boundaries, embrace the scolding, and be enlightened by all the advice. Stop rolling your eyes and start focusing them on the greater picture your moms and dads offer. Stop assuming they will be here for many years; when I get older I'll love on them, I'll appreciate them, I'll tell them tomorrow how much they mean to me. Pull off your "I know everything" glasses and stop complaining how they are messing with your growing up years and allow the love you have deep in your heart to shine on them. In the world of setting trends, step out of the box and start a trend of fully encountering your relationship. Tomorrow is never guaranteed!
To all the grown up souls that for many different reasons you have chose to stop speaking to, stopped loving on, stopped being around one or both of your parents, rethink what is going on. Have you allowed your ego to take over a relationship that started as bliss at a young age. Do you feel walked on, betrayed, or hurt? Are there actions that took place that you are now going to let take away a bond between a parent and child. SELFISH, that is a selfish act. Put away the attitude and bring back emotions. Stop dwelling and start loving.
This time here on earth is very short, accidents happen, sickness occurs, old age sets in. Learn to forgive, pull down the walls and cherish every second your heart is beating.
My hope is young people appreciate more, respect and love deeper. Grown ups, my hope is you pick up the phone and you tell your parents how much they mean to you. Before whatever incident happened between you all, there was a family bond felt within.
Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
Love and Blessing to all