So much . . .

Grab a Kleenex, or maybe a punching bag! In this read you might need one or the other.; in fact you just might need both.

A few weeks back I was approached by a gentlemen that attends my church. He kindly said he wanted to bless me with a new roof on the Burger Den. It brought me to tears, that he would do this for me. Desperately in need I was of a new roof, and Rocky Mountain Exteriors did an amazing job on installing one for me. Thank you Todd for being so generous!

I was completely touched by a sweet text I received from a young lady. In her text she says she is in Leadership class at Middleton High. On April 9th they are doing service projects for the community, and she had selected me to serve. Quickly I responded, but I am not in your community. She said you and Doug are alumni and I would be honored to do something for you. So, last Saturday, 13 Middleton High students showed up at my house; windows washed, flower beds cleaned out, and my deck STAINED! As I sat and visited with the young ladies mom, who I actually went to school with, she enlightened me on the project. Come to find out 2 out of the 13 students were in Leadership class, the rest were volunteers. Those in class actually give a PowerPoint in front of the student body promoting their project. Then after all the presentations students can sign up to volunteer for the project of their choice, or not sign up at all. Tears streamed down my face as she told me the process. Teenagers giving up half of their Saturday to do good in the community, that is what it is about. Also to think your alma mater would one day bless you the way I was blessed just made more tears. Kali, you my dear touched my heart, for you to think of me, well is priceless! Thank you and Riley and your group for doing such a great job on my deck. Once a Viking, ALWAYS a Viking!

Blessing after blessing seems to enter my life, it brings a bit of hope into my broken self. I am honored and humbled by the outpouring support the girls and I are receiving. Just when you are having a terrible day, sponge candy is delivered to your door from your new friend in New York. Jenna, thank you for the sweet treat, and allowing me to be in Kim and Phil's corner.

I am learning that in this journey of grieving there are mean people still in the world that have no compassion to what you are going through. I am trying to help guide my three girls through the loss of their dad, and it almost takes me to the ground when it is brought to my attention of mean girls that come in their path. They are trying to figure out life without a dad, and then selfish, inconsiderate young beings feel it is ok to be a " bully". As a mom it rips my broken heart to tinier pieces to hear the tears of one of your children because of insecure young beings targeting a vulnerable soul. It has only been because I respect my girls I have not hunted these beings down and clawed their eyes out. Well and because that would only get me in jail. What I would actually like to do is sit them in front of myself and say. . .

Life my dear is not about the self, life is about what we do with our self. Life is about encouraging those that need encouragement, loving those that might not feel loved. Inspiring and inspiring by our actions. Life is about helping someone that might not even need help. It is changing ways that have been set for years. It is about being a role model, without even knowing you are being one. Life is about realizing we do not know everyone's story, and in realizing that could change your life. Life is about being kind, doing good, being your true self and getting nothing in return! Maybe look in the mirror, you are hurting my girl because you are hurting inside. My girl might be an easy target at this moment, but you need to be careful; because through this process she is becoming one strong young lady, who will defy the odds. Who will be back to look you in the face and say, Thank you for your actions towards me, it showed me exactly who I will NEVER be!

As I struggled yesterday trying to encourage my girls, but feeling like I needed the encouragement, I left the softball field and drove straight to the cemetery. Knowing I needed to sit there for a bit, in the company of silence. It was as I drove up I became concerned. No large white vase full of softballs and purple and white flowers. I walked up to Doug's gravesite, the small solar light still there along with a single softball, I'm sure was left by a sweet soul. But where was the vase I had put out here to mark his plot. Gone, completely gone! My emotions overtook me and I stood there bawling. I think I hold it together way to long and then I just explode. All I wanted to do was crawl in the grass next to Douglas, life feels like it is piling on me and I can not figure things out. Plus I was pissed the grounds crew took my vase before the 15th of April. See that is the day you can no longer have artificial flowers in Dry Creek Cemetery. I spoke all my feelings and asked for some help, then two Canadian Geese flew over honking. I said out loud, "I love you. . . Promise!" And walked back to my pick up. I drove by both dumpsters to see if the vase was sitting there, nothing! My poor girls watched their hysterical mom sobbing as I tried to tell them about the vase being gone. How I was tired of the hardship the three of them are enduring, how I was sick of everything feeling like it is falling apart right in front of us. I guess I chose to go off the deep end for a bit. My sweet Bentli, without a tear, looks at me and says mom it's ok. I don't understand it right now either, but it's going to be hard but ok. As I'm bawling and trying to say it is not fair to you girls. Still not one tear she says mom really it is ok. I sat there and cried as my 18 year old consoled her momma!

So first thing this morning I called Dry Creek Cemetery, the office gave me the number to the grounds crew manager. As I spoke to the tender soul on the other end of the phone he says, is this Doug's gravesite. I replied, yes do you have the vase? He kept speaking to me, and as he spoke I could tell he had made his way to standing at the site. I told him I was there last week and yesterday I was there and it was gone. He said I can see where you had it sitting and the grass is starting to grow there. Which says it has been gone for a bit. He tells me let me check a couple places and I will call you right back. My phone rang and he confirmed, we don't have it. I am sorry but someone stole it. Unbelievable! He follows up with, and I quote, " we have some low life people in the world."

Disgusted, heartbroken, pissed, confused, a ton of emotions began to run through me. My first thought, I hope Doug haunts the living shit out of the person that stoled it. Then as I spoke to the girls I said, dad would just say, "they needed it more than us!" Honestly I could careless about the vase, the cheap softballs that filled it, or the fake flowers the stood in it. But it is the ribbon that I tied on the vase that makes me the most angry. A ribbon my girls wore playing softball. I know there is one person out there saying, if it meant so much to you why would you put it out there. To be frank, I seriously did not think someone would steal from a gravesite. My heart hurt and I was cranky the rest of the day.

Then as I spoke to a friend this evening about all the things I have been blessed with, I turned myself around. I honestly hope whoever took the vase, throws each softball, plays catch and enjoys them. I hope the vase sits beautifully on your doorstep and the flowers fill your bouquet. And that ribbon, well I hope it makes you think of your childhood and allows memories you pushed to the back to come full frontal!

Because you needed it more than us! Thank you Douglas for still teaching even though you are not physically here.

Love and Blessings to all

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