As I prepare for my girls to leave for college I wanted to write them a letter. I decided to share with everyone. If you have or have had a child leave for college you might be able to relate to my emotions I have going right now.
Dear Mackenzi and Bentli college students of mine,
As you prepare to leave for your new adventure and continue the adventure you have been on these past 2 years I needed to clarify a few things with you.
I have always known I had you only for a moment. My job was to prepare and guide you to the point you could get your wings strong enough to fly on your own. To share your beauty with others, to live the life God wanted you to live and be the best YOU, possible.
It is at this point as we begin the packing stage my heart hurts, my throat has a constant lump in it and yep I kind of want to break your wings!
See the hurt in my heart is that feeling you had when you lost your favorite kitty or when our Bubbles dog passed. It is an ache as if I will never see you again, even though I know that's not true. The lump in my throat it kind of feels like when you girls feel when you might throw up, but you do your best to talk yourself out of it! It is that lump you had watching The Notebook. I don't think these feelings will go away, I am pretty sure I will have it every time you leave. I guess it is the fact you both are such great daughters that have been an amazing rock for your mommy without even knowing it. Your support, your standing firm with me, your desire to have the lord in your life, and your constant love have proven to me just how extraordinary you both are.
Z I know every year you come home for summer and the bond we share gets stronger and stronger, which in turns makes it harder for me to see you leave. It is the little girl with dimples so deep, that stoled my heart, that I see drive off; not the beautiful grown young lady you have become. Bent this is our first year with a departure, time for you to grow and time for me to let go. Hard when all I see is that spunky little girl with a huge smile asking if I could hold you!
So yes I have been a bit cranky these past few days, here is where I need to clarify. The crankiness I show is really the sadness I am feeling about you two leaving. Easier right now to be pissy than sit and cry!
I know the leaving isn't forever, but as your mom it is a part of my heart that gets torn out when you do go. I know you both will be just fine on your own, it is me that feels like I won't be ok. I realize being your mom I will never stop worrying, I will never stop caring, and I will never not be your #1 fan.
While you are gone please answer your phone when I call, send me a text just with "Hi", see I am not calling to be a pain in your butt. I'm calling to satisfy myself that you are doing okay. When I'm totally bugging you non stop, remember it is just the love I have for you. It is my heart missing my babies, it is me trying to find some comfort for myself. Be patient with me as I start traveling this journey with you both a far. Bent I know you are only 22.1 miles away, yes I googled how far, but it isn't the distance, it is the beginning of this next chapter in your life.
Spread your wings and take flight! Know that on those days when you feel as if you can't fly, it will be me blowing to help keep you afloat. Be bold, be compassionate, be a fighter, be yourself, and be true! Start writing your story, and when you feel you are stuck allow God to do his work through you.
So as you go; and yep you better be ready the ugly cry will happen, remember I am only a phone call away, I am a pretty good listener, I give some good advice, and I will forever love you to the moon and back always!
Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me